I think I was born to be a helper. From the time I was a little girl, I have been described as an empathetic person, a good listener, and a dependable caregiver—so naturally, it made sense to become a social worker. I got my first job in a shelter in downtown Ottawa. In the first few years, I saw things, heard things, and did things that no university class could have prepared me for. In those years, I became so profoundly aware of the suffering of others that my heart sometimes could not take it.
I carried that burden for a long time. The slow accumulation of trauma stories—of people’s hardships and losses—left a painful imprint on my heart and eventually changed my view of the world. I later learned that this is called vicarious traumatization. At the time, it just felt like I was losing faith in humanity.
In moments when I was brave enough to reveal my vulnerability, I would admit to people in my life that I thought my work was hurting me. To that admission, I was given advice on the importance of practicing self-care to prevent burnout. I was also told about making sure I had firm boundaries so that I didn’t become enmeshed emotionally.
This counsel was so puzzling to me. My job was to foster a safe space for my clients to bare their raw emotions. To do that, I needed to use empathy to build a deep therapeutic connection with them. I wondered how many more vacations and bubble baths it would take to help me recover from the trauma I was exposed to in that process.
Still, I tried to honour that advice. I made more and more self-care goals for myself out of the desperate hope that eventually I would have done enough. I picked up swimming, art classes, and yoga. I accumulated a pile of self-help books. When I wasn’t working, I was “self-caring.”
Given this, you can imagine my surprise when I ended up in the doctor’s office in excruciating pain—only to hear him say I had a case of stress-induced shingles. His prescription: a month of bedrest.
It felt like a punishment to me—the doer, the helper, the giver—to be still and focus on my own well-being. Yet now I look back with gratitude for this painful period in my life. It was the start of the journey of finding myself again.
In my spiritual awakening, I learned that I had been so concentrated on showing up for others who were suffering that I had unknowingly isolated myself from spiritual connection and community—my driving force from the beginning.
I learned that self-care needs to involve self-awareness and self-compassion. It is not a checkbox on the to-do list. We must discover and reconnect with our needs, desires, and feelings in order to cultivate wellness. Understanding these needs is the first step to self-compassion.
Self-compassion also means showing up for ourselves in a kind way like a good friend would. Friends are not only there for us in times of suffering, but they are also there for us to share and create joy with. Self-care is an ongoing investment of time and energy into building a friendship with yourself. It takes commitment, deep listening and an effort to understand.
While self-care is essential, it's important to recognize that true self-care goes beyond bubble baths and vacations. Self-awareness and self-compassion are essential components of a holistic approach to self-care. With a nurturing and accepting approach, we can hold ourselves accountable and value what makes us feel whole and well. By reconnecting with our own needs, desires, and feelings, we can better nurture our well-being and build resilience in our roles.
Here are some practical suggestions to cultivate self-awareness and self-compassion:
Mindfulness Practices: Incorporate mindfulness techniques into your daily routine. This could include meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply taking moments throughout the day to check in with yourself and your emotions.
Journaling: Set aside time in your week to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Writing them down can help you gain clarity and insight into your own needs and patterns.
Seek Support: Connect with other helping professionals and caregivers who understand the unique challenges you face. Whether it's through friendships, support groups, networking events, or online forums, having a supportive community can be invaluable.
Professional Consultation: Consider seeking regular supervision or consultation with a more experienced colleague or supervisor. This can provide a space for processing difficult work experiences, exploring ethical dilemmas, and receiving guidance on self-care strategies.
Creative Expression: Explore creative outlets such as art, music, or writing as a means of self-expression and self-discovery. Engaging in creative activities can help you tap into your intuition and connect with your innermost thoughts and feelings.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries between your work life and personal life to prevent burnout and maintain balance. This may involve setting limits on your workload, saying no to additional responsibilities when necessary, and prioritizing your own well-being.
Take a Self-Compassion Break: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a close friend or loved one. Be gentle with yourself when facing challenges or setbacks, and recognize that you are only human.
Regular Self-Check-Ins: Make it a habit to regularly check in with yourself to assess your own well-being and identify any areas of concern. This could involve asking yourself questions like "How am I feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally?" and "What do I need right now to take care of myself?"
Remember, cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion is an ongoing journey that requires dedication and commitment. By prioritizing your own well-being, you'll not only enhance your ability to support others but also live a more fulfilling and balanced life. Take the first step today towards nurturing a deeper connection with yourself and experiencing greater resilience in your role as a helping professional. Your future self will thank you for it.